The Mother Lode

Crafts and Crochet

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7 Powerful Phrases for Talking with Toddlers

  1. “Say it with different words.” Let’s face it, sweet little kids sometimes have trouble being understood. If I can’t figure out what they are saying, having them repeat it over and over is just frustrating for both of us. Getting them to use different words usually helps me crack the code.
  2. “Let’s try again.” This can be in reference to your child trying a task again with your help, but I also use it after a conflict where we have all lost our tempers. It’s so powerful for kids to see parents owning their mistakes.
  3. “How can I make you feel better?” I think this is incredibly important. Often we think a smile and a hug will solve everything in their little world, but that isn’t always the case. I also encourage my kids to say this after a disagreement (okay, after they get physical with each other, IT HAPPENS.) I always say it is polite to say “I’m sorry” but it doesn’t always help or make up for what happened. I suggest to the kids making silly faces, giving hugs, and resolving to be kinder next time as better ways to apologize.
  4. “Please” and “Thank you.” It seems silly, but I sometimes need to remind myself to say these to my kids! I get so used to being the boss that I forget to use these words (and then get frustrated when they don’t use them!)
  5. “Take a deep breath.” We use this in our house to help our kids stop in their moment of deep emotion. I prefer it to the more vague “calm down.”
  6.  “You have 5 minutes until _______” My kids NEED this warning before bedtime, before we need to leave the house, when it’s almost time to leave the playground, basically many times a day to ease the transitions in our routine. I also like to remind them to pick one more thing to do so that they don’t beg for more time!
  7. “I need some help.” “I don’t feel good.” “I’m sad/tired/cranky.” That’s right, these are phrases parents should say! Obviously, we should not burden our children with our troubles, but young children aren’t skilled at detecting emotions yet. Showing them yours is a great way to teach them to be empathetic (you’ll probably even get extra snuggles out of it!)

I hope these suggestions help you to communicate with your little one!

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Episode 15: Halloween: Tricks,Treats, and Toddlers

This is another episode that highlights our different parenting styles, particularly regarding Halloween! We share some of our experiences trick or treating and some suggestions for leftover Halloween candy. (P.S. I completely did have those saints listed wrong in my description of that book! Coincidentally my oldest picked it the following night for bedtime to make me feel terrible about my mistake.) 

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Fall: Expectation Vs. Reality

FALL

Expectation: cooler days; snuggling into sweaters

Reality: weather all over the place, sweltering at lunchtime, freezing at 7 pm, kids clothing is everywhere as you try to figure out what fits

Expectation: pumpkin carving, apple picking, fall festival-ing

Reality: raking leaves, raking leaves, raking leaves (Actually, I like raking leaves!)

Expectation: less traveling and more relaxing at home

Reality: do all the things: sporting events, fall themed events, yard work, school events, club meetings, ETC

Moral of the story: Take each season as it comes and appreciate the things you are able to accomplish. Enjoy whatever time you have to relax and don’t give in to the social media pressure to do all the fall things!

 

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Episode 12: Emotional Labor and The Mental Load

Marty and Priscilla discuss “the mental load” and “emotional labor” as they pertain to motherhood and relationships. Just having defined terms relating to these two things help keep us grounded! 

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8 Clean Up Time Tricks

“I love to pick up my toys!” said no kid ever. Or parent ever. I am not kidding with you, moms, I have a few tricks to help you out! My suggestions are:

  1. Do not let more than 1/2 of the toys get out in the first place before cleaning up! Too many toys out seems insurmountable to them and is not a reasonable expectation for them to put away.
  2. Have a space for everything! They can’t put it away if they don’t know where it goes.
  3. Give a warning a few minutes before it’s time to clean-up.
  4. Make it a game! See who can clean up more quickly, play Simon Says (Simon says put away 4 cars, Simon says pick up something yellow, etc.), who can pick up the most _______, play freeze clean up (like freeze dance), etc.
  5. Have something fun planned next. For example, when we are finished putting the toys away we can have a dance party/take a walk/play outside/roll around on the clean floor (I have three little boys, it happens.)
  6. Set a timer. This is for extreme refusal to help tidy up by older toddlers. When the timer rings, clean-up is over and I will take away whatever toys are left out.
  7. Have a specific time of the day that clean-up happens to help develop a routine.
  8. Play music! This is my new routine. I found 6 different clean-up songs on Amazon Prime and made a playlist. Serious game changer for us. They stay focused and motivated and I stay sane.

Leave us a comment with any other strategies that work for you!

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YOU BE YOU

So I just went on a nighttime grocery run without the kids. I always switch back and forth between being a warrior who takes three little ones to the grocery store by myself and a wimp who goes alone after they are asleep. Since I didn’t have the small ones with me, I noticed some of the “back to school” signage and it was frustrating. By that I mean that it showed a picture of a kids lunch with all organic items and fancy cut fresh items and it said “good to go.” Moms see pressure everywhere to basically provide perfection for their families.

My message is: YOU BE YOU.

Not everyone is skilled at/interested in the same things. I accept that I will be sending a regular ole banana or a sugary granola bar in my son’s snack bag for preschool this year. I also am the kind of mom who will make all kinds of decorations for whatever theme we decide upon for his birthday party coming up. I make their Halloween costumes. We haven’t yet taken them to the movies. We rarely enjoy a restaurant dinner and I think the kids have been given time to learn to ride bikes maybe 3 times. Every mom is different and I think we tend to see other moms doing cool stuff and feel guilty for not doing the same thing. NO MORE! If I see another mom doing something interesting or impressive and I WANT to, then maybe I’ll incorporate it into my mom life. I also might just think, “What a neato mom! I like to do something different and that’s good, too!”

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Episode 10: Birthday Parties

Kids’ birthday parties can be a big source of stress in a mom’s life. Marty and Priscilla talk about being true to whatever way your family wants to celebrate milestones. Be creative! Be frugal! Be wild! Be basic! BE YOU! 

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