Mom Rage: Tips for Dealing with Anger

Boy, oh boy, do I get the mom rage. The baby has been crying all morning, I haven’t showered or even brushed my teeth, someone got green crayon on the wall, and my darling 4 year old refuses to use the bathroom. The rage is coming. I feel it: I am going to yell. “GET IN THAT BATHROOM AND DO YOUR POTTY JOBS!”

Obviously, I hate those moments. They don’t happen all the time, but when they do, it leaves me with a sick feeling. Feeling that I needed control so badly, I resorted to yelling. In times when there is danger (i.e. running towards the street like my 1 yr old desperately wants to do), yelling can be the quickest and most effective remedy, but other than that, it is a terrible tactic to get your kids to listen to you. For me personally, these moments happen more often when I am overly tired or stressed. So my number one tip for dealing with anger is: get enough rest, and if you don’t get enough rest (because, hello, babies), relax your standards and take some sort of break. Sometimes, if I am feeling overly tired or overwhelmed, I will seriously tell the kids, “Look, mommy is tired. I am going to lay down and close my eyes on this couch. I will get up and play with you in five minutes and we can all be happy again.” Then, I do it. I lay down, set a timer, and usually feel like 3% better, which is enough to keep the drama at bay. I MAY ALSO EAT SOME CHOCOLATE, DON’T JUDGE ME. It’s so hard to keep up with all the things: taking care of the house, spending time actually playing with the kids, doing educational things with them, getting needed items at the store, providing nutritious meals, etc, etc, the list of the things moms are supposed to be doing gets longer everyday. Decide what is important for your family and relax those standards to give yourself a little breathing room! My second tip is to truly investigate your stressors and what causes you to lose your cool. Find ways to avoid or decrease those particular situations. For me, this is the bathroom. The kids often dawdle and we are always trying to get to someone’s check-up/haircut and, of course, we are running late. Recently, I’ve been sending them one at a time to the bathroom and it has helped in the daytime. A while back we began more routine potty breaks in the daytime and they are sometimes less reluctant since it is at the same time every day. My third tip comes from Daniel Tiger’s neighborhood. Yep, you read that right. “When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath, and count to four.” Basically, have a set breathing exercise that you do when you feel the rage coming, or a silly phrase. I’m not kidding, I frequently belt out “Oh Susannah” in a large vibrato voice when I really want to yell “IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING, I JUST WASHED THOSE SHEETS AND NOW I HAVE TO SCRUB THE MARKER OFF THE TABLE AND WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO MAKE FOR DINNER TONIGHT!” Everyone laughs and I realize all the stuff I’m frustrated about is really just stuff. Saving the best for last: PRAY. Sometimes, just a quick glance up and “God, grant me some patience,” makes all the difference in my attitude. And, at the end of the day, if some yelling happened, forgive yourself, because holding on to the guilt will just cause more stress! We just do our best for these little creatures!