I love being a mother. It’s come so naturally to me, and I take a lot of joy and pride in it. I was a decent student, I enjoyed studying French in college and was a better student there than in high school (because it was so costly and I didn’t want to waste money!) and I had wonderful experiences as a preschool teacher, but it was never my life’s passion. I’ve come to know that this was always my path, to mother these three little boys, and this endeavor of mine will never be finished. Which is kind of a hard thing: my task, my goal will never be finished! We rush around in our culture always finishing things, and moving on to something better. In motherhood, though, so many things go unfinished all the time and it can be maddening. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day to “do it all.” We need a mindshift change, not just in the overall picture of our lives, but also in the daily grind.
The other day I had a funny text conversation with a friend about never finishing things. I told her about a baby blanket that I made three years ago for my cousin’s baby and never sent. THREE YEARS. That’s how long I let this unfinished task fester and give me anxiety. We laughed about it, but I know deep down that leaving these things unfinished does give me anxiety. Is it crippling? No, but it does surface at times of stress when I am trying to accomplish other things. It sneaks in and says, “You are never going to finish all this stuff. Why don’t you just give up like all these other things you never did?” Why do I let these little tasks or projects I meant to do stay in my mind?
Turns out, I’m not alone. Psychology Today has a great article about how our minds can’t stand unfinished business. There is a real thing, you guys, called the “Zeigarnik Effect.” We are more likely to recall the tasks we never finished than the ones we did.
So I’m showing up over here to say I am FINISHED. No more worrying about these little things that never got accomplished (I’m looking at you, quilt fabric I bought for my now 2 year old nephews. I’ve never even made a quilt.)
My plan is this: first, write tasks down more often. Making lists and schedules helps and I always accomplish more if it’s written down. Secondly, I definitely need to set some tasks aside and be realistic about what I can actually accomplish. I’ve started to get better at this. For example, when I first started this blog, I thought I would share some things about motherhood and many recipes and crafts. While I do love to cook and we do art projects often, the time it takes to write up tutorials and take all the photos while you are doing it is just not something I have the ability to do right now. It is more realistic to engage with my children during the day and write about it at night when they are asleep and I don’t want to watch playoff hockey with my husband. The last part of my plan is to really examine whatever unfinished task I am anxious about and decide “Is this worth doing at this point in time? If not, then I can let it go and revoke my commitment to it. If I still want to do it, I need to re-evaluate and make a specific plan for accomplishing it, instead of the same old, same old “when I have some free time” routine.
Good luck in your own endeavors towards accomplishing tasks! I fully realize that I will likely overload myself with tasks and goals again at some point, but my intention is to keep it as realistic as I can and forgive myself when I don’t make the cute party favors I saw online that are going to be thrown away anyways.
Leave a Reply